Sitting, waiting, wishing

I'm tired and anxious
Alone but surrounded
Wanting but can't
Running and going nowhere
Whole but in pieces

There's something missing...

I'm Wishing

Sometimes I wonder...if everyone gets to love.

I can't remember the last time I had butterflies in my stomach, or couldn't concentrate because I was thinking of him, or couldn't wait to go somewhere just in case he was there...

Maybe I watch too many movies. But those ideas of love had to come from somewhere. I want to have that someone to laugh and cry with. Who I would give up sleep for, who I would rather hang out with than anyone else. And it makes me sad, because I've never had that feeling.

I want to love, but I'm starting to believe I'm never going to find that person. I haven't even found someone I like enough that I would rather hang out with them over my friends. And I'm probably over reacting because I'm still young, but I want it.

Maybe I do listen to too many love songs.

When I grow up

I watched Sleeping Beauty and Aladdin the other day. I miss being a kid.

I recently started playing piano again. Like really playing -- trying to do scales, sight read, play some classical music I can't but should be able to play... But it made me really sad because my fingers just don't move like they used to and I can't play any songs that I used to be able to. I guess that's what happens when you take two years off.

The tattoo on my foot was to remind me that music used to be a big part of my life and now I realize I wish it still was. I was playing and even my little brother said it sounded awful. :S I miss the days of soccer and piano. And I'm sad bc I believe that I will ever get back into my soccer shape, or be as good as I was at piano, and I know that that part of my life has ended. I just wish it didn't.

It's a beautiful mess

I'm tired.

I'm tired of working.
I'm tired of people.
and I'm tired of Pullman.

I try to run, what's the point if you've got no place to run to.

I can't run far enough to not be tired.

3 months.
Just 3 months.

You Can't Stop the Beat

So I really wanna fight someone.

(Well anyone but Raquel!)

Not because I have a lot of pent up rage (running gets rid of my frustration for the most part). But because I think it would be really fun just to fight and hey, maybe a good bonding experience haha. I don't really wanna get hit in the head or bleed though, so I guess I only want to fight someone I can beat. =)

I guess fighting someone is something I can add to my ever-growing bucket list. But maybe, just maybe, I'll get to cross something off this coming Fall =)

whyyouwannabringmedown

I didn't go running today.

Before I went running because I wanted to get in shape. Then it became part of my routine. Next I enjoyed it. Recently it has become my way to relieve my stress.

Anytime I am stressed I know I don't hide it well. I feel bad when I get down bc I look at how much I have been blessed with, and I know that I shouldn't be so caught up in my own problems.

Sometimes I love Pullman. I love the people here and familiarity, but I don't think I can handle it anymore. People used to ask me how could I attend WSU and have lived here my whole life. I used to not care. Now I think it is starting to take a toll on me. I don't know what it is, but I really just need to leave.

The sad part is, I have a way out. I have a really awesome opportunity and I don't know if I will be able to go. And if I don't go, I'll be stuck here, with almost nothing to look forward to. I gave up my house, my clubs, my classes...I understand that it is a big choice, but it's my choice. I don't understand why it has to be your path you want me down. Not my own. I just hope it works out.